One site is this one on the left. Here’s a list of others as well.

Tragedy at Virginia Tech – A Campus Crusade website with stories and accounts from students and staff involved in the shootings on campus.
The Life – has great articles and people can ask questions or ask for prayer and someone will respond.

He wrote that there are 2 students involved with Campus Crusade are still missing and one student was killed. I know most of the staff at VT very well. They are all in shock and are the students. Classes have been canceled for Tuesday and the CCC staff will be praying with and counseling students.

Please pray for my good friends and staff at VT. Please pray for the students and campus as well. This makes me very sad despite being on the other side of the world. The I’m conference made time and we took a few minutes to pray for Virginia Tech and the staff.

I thought for sure the motorcycle cop behind me wasn’t coming after me. But he was. Well, it turns out my pastor was going the same speed I was and he got the big speeding fine. My cop was nicer to me and lowered my speed and it saved me $100. And really I didn’t do anything or ask him to lower my fine. Sorry Mark. But I also got a fine for not have my insurance info with me so I’ll be downtown tomorrow getting it all fixed.

So I did I receive grace or mercy? Or both?

Either way, I’m glad for Jesus, that he died on the cross and rose again so I can have grace and mercy.

I have a lot on my mind lately; personal stuff that I prefer not to go into here. Let’s just say that I have TONS of stuff going on in my mind that would mentally fatigue me.

I wonder why God gives me so much that I can’t seem to handle. But then I think of what my friend Pam wrote about and remember that God will give me strenght. Now if I would only listen to Him. I need to start listening to God more. Because I just can’t deal with all this stuff on my own.

“Friendship is unnecessary, like philosophy, like art… It has no survival value; rather is one of those things that give value to survival.” –C. S. Lewis

After asking you’re thoughts about this quote, here are mine. I saw this quote at the end of a co-workers email and I copied it because I liked it right away. After reading and re-reading it, however, I agree and disagree with this quote.

I agree that frienships give value to survival, just like art does. Friends make us laugh when we’re down, they listen when we need to vent, they give us grace and truth at just the right times. They come to our side when we are lonely. I can’t imagine a life without friends.

Which leads me to disagree that friendships are unnecessary to survival. Sure, all you really need to physically survive is food and water. But we’re not just physical beings, we have an emotional component as well. Life without friendship is loneliness. Lonely people often become depressed or are already depressed. And a person who’s lonely and doesn’t have any friends may end their life.

I often hear of elderly couples who’ve been married over 65 years. When one spouse passes away, the other passes a few months later. The surviving spouse doesn’t want to be alone.

Remember the movie “Cast Away” with Tom Hanks. He was stranded on the island all alone, and after a couple of years alone he tried to hang himself, unsuccesfully. He was friendless, alone, lonely. He didn’t want to survive anymore.

Now, I’m no theologian (if you are correct me if I’m wrong) but I do know that God created us to be in fellowship with others, to get to know other people. God decided it wasn’t good for Adam to be alone so he created Eve. Adam needed companionship and friendship. Obviously God knew that friendship is necessary to survival.

We’re not meant to be alone. A person won’t survive very long without friends. I believe friendships are absolutely neccessary for survival!

I also disagree that art is unnecessary to survival. But that’s another post for another time.

I’ve decided I’m easily addicted. Not to bad stuff like drugs and alcohol. But silly things that can turn into bad things since any addiction is not good. I don’t like to be addicted to anything because it’s just not good. I don’t like taking pills if I don’t have too. I make sure I’m never addicted to caffeine. I drink coffee but that’s because I love the taste. I drink decaf but it’s only a few times a week.

Here are some of my addictions and how I deal with them.

• watching movies – I can watch movies 24-7, but when I do this it usually means I’m trying to avoid something.
• watching TV series (I’m currently watching Stargate SG 1 starting with Season 1 to the present) – I’m making myself watch only 2 episodes per day. Although I could easily watch all 4-5 on the DVD.
• making cookies – this one’s tough because I love to bake and especially bake chocolate chip cookies. This started when I was young. I have to be careful to make them when I want to do something I enjoy as opposed to making them to feed my sorrows.
• shopping – I think this one’s under control, mainly becuase I don’t want to spend money and I don’t feel like going shopping. And I haven’t been looking at any fashion magazines.
• reading – If I pick up a book I really love I’ll stay up all night long reading. I’ve been known to stay up until 4 am reading. I really love reading. I’m still working on how to stop reading at a decent time. I can get totally lost in a book.

When I realize these addictions are taking over I know I’m in either in need of God or not trusting God. At least that’s been my experience with my addictions. I use movies, TV and books to enter into other worlds and escape from mine for a little while. I go shopping and make and binge on cookies when I’m worried, anxious and stressed.

I’ve begun to recognized my need for God when I start doing too much of the above in an obsessed manner. It’s hard to stop, but I don’t want the things above to get in the way of my relationship with God. And I know with God all things are possible. So He can help me control my addictions.

Rob and I for years have always giggled when we here people say “do do” in everyday normal sentences. We’re like highschool kids. I know, it’s bad.

So when Mike (did I mention he’s a pastor at our church) said “do do” I looked at Rob, but Rob didn’t seem to notice. So I tapped him on the shoulder and when he looked at me I started to giggle. Everytime Rob looked over at me I started to laugh even harder. The giggling turning into hard silent laughter. And when I laugh like that, it also looks like I’m crying.

Finally I just had to burst out laughing – in the middle of a deeply spiritual conversation! And I had to explain why I was laughing so hard. They all thought I was crying. I had to apologize as well.
I can’t believe what I did.

So many contradictions. So emotional. So confusing at times.

I’d be lost without God. He is my hope, my rock, my salvation.

With April just about over I can say that I’ve started learning what it means to “rest”. Rest is not only physical, but spiritual and emotional as well. The three go together. I can rest physically but if there’s a lot going on emotionally I won’t be rested. If I’m not finding my rest in God, then I’m stressing myself out and not resting. “Rest” will always be something I struggle with.

I’ve found these two passages remind to find rest in God and put my hope in Him.

“Yes, my soul, find rest in God; my hope comes from Him. Truly he is my rock and my salvation; He is my fortress, I will not be shaken.” Psalm 62:5-6

“Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.” Matt 11:28-30

As for my health and how I’m improving. Just 2 days ago my doctor increased my thyroid medication and I think it’s actually working better! I feel a little more energetic. I’m still fatigued and sleep a lot. I also still have problems falling asleep. But I’m working on getting into the habit of establishing a bed time routine that will help me relax and fall asleep by 10 pm. I’m hoping I’ll be able to wake up by 8 am which will give me 10 hours of sleep. I think I have about 4 “good” hours a day, on most days. What I mean by that is I’m able to be physically and mentally alert. And that’s an improvement.

I still want to do a million things at a time, but I know I can’t. This has to be a lifestyle change for me – to slow down. It’s doctors orders, even when I’m feeling great! Thanks for praying for me! And please continue to do so.

Like his says, the drive up there was tough for me. And Saturday I missed some of the session because I fell asleep for 3 hours. After that I was fine though.

It was fun having Lera and Steve there. Although the conference schedule is super packed without a lot of free time, we did have a chance to hang out with them. I always have fun hanging out with them. They left their 3 beautiful girls with the grandparents. And I have to admit I missed not seeing my neices.

I did learn from the conference. We went to the Alumni session because we had been to the conference before. But I also learned that I’m not ready for travel. The mind is willing but my body is weak.